11.12.2008

On the Same Team

<--- Greenhill Bunnies on the Same Team

One of my wonderful sisters called to wish me happy birthday. I haven't talked to her since I called her for her birthday. We have a lot in common, so this is just wrong and bad. Whenever we talk, since we talk so rarely, we talk for a long, long time.

She and her husband aren't always on the same page about certain things. Who is? You don't have to agree on everything to respect and enjoy each other, right?

Money is the biggest thing married couples fight over. Luckily, this is the single one thing I know Charlie and I don't fight over, as he pretty much hates doing bills more than stepping in dog poop.

Telling him to turn out lights, unplug everything not in use, walk or bike instead of drive, use cold water instead of hot and much more, has proven to him I'm careful with money. Just by a little (or a lot of) nagging, I've earned his respect. I handle the money, I do the budget, I pay the bills. I could buy whatever I wanted and he'd never know. I don't, I wouldn't, and I feel like we're on the same team financially. It's enjoyable to be married to someone who trusts and respects you.

My sister, I suspect, doesn't know this feeling. I know she hides chocolate and candy in her pantry, because her kids tell us, "There's some good candy in the pantry. It's in the back, hidden so Dad doesn't find out about it."

All her family is healthy and skinny so I don't understand why the kids and mom are hiding anything from dad. Not my business but it's uncomfortable when you're told, "Don't tell Dad about the candy."

I know my sister has resentment about their home ownership history. She wants to sell when they outgrow a home and he doesn't want to sell anything. At least that's what she says. She said he was angry at her for five years after they sold their first tiny starter home. And that's after they'd owned it for maybe 15 years and had two more kids, and increased their income dramatically.

They bought another home without selling the last one. He, I guess, agreed to rent it for a year then sell. You know what happened next. So they're both angry.

You can hear the anger if you're around them for five minutes. They have a great life and absolutely beautiful, perfect kids. They're good-looking, interesting people. From my perspective, it looks like they've pulled apart because of abundant finances rather than grown together.

Never having near what they have financially, it's easy to be resentful and jealous. I'm not. It's hard to watch people live together with different goals, who don't respect each others' opinions, or whatever it is people do when they would rather be right than happy. Maybe they're happy -- maybe I'm reading too much into it. I probably am. I hope I am.

I hope my sister never reads this.